Muslim girl’s guide for dealing with boys
Life is full of crazy obstacles, but the one that will probably bug you the most and always be getting in the way is the opposite gender. Here, from one sister to another, is a Muslim girl’s guide for how to deal with guys.
Muslims are forbidden to touch any non-Mahram person of the opposite gender (Mahram is your dad, brother, father-in-law, husband, grandfather, and your parents’ siblings). That means no patting on the back, no handshaking, no pushing, no shoving, no holding hands, and obviously no kissing and all that.
Not even with Muslims. Flirting means that you’re saying or doing things on purpose that make the other person attracted to you. There’s no set criterion for what flirting is, but every girl knows what it is and how to do it.
Muslim women are supposed to be better than the kind of women who share their beauty with all men around her and who think they are worthy only if half the men they know are in love with them. A wise man once said, “Don’t start the mower unless you intend to cut the grass.” If you don’t want a guy’s advances, then don’t do anything to earn them. You really only want to marry one, good guy and spend the rest of your life with him. Chances are he won’t be the same dork you fluttered your eyelashes at in high school.
As a Muslim, you know that having a boyfriend is Haraam because it leads to Zina – illegal sexual relationship. Allah expressly forbids romantic or sexual relationships outside of marriage. When people go against that rule, the society degenerates, people use and abuse each other, diseases spread and the sacredness of marriage as an institution is destroyed. It’s not right to date to get to know each other (that includes talking on the phone). In Islam, non-Mahram men and women aren’t allowed to be alone together.
The easiest way to ensure that you don’t end up falling in love with some guy before you’re ready to get married is to avoid making friends with boys. Of course, if you’re studying in a mixed school, you will have to interact with boys, but that doesn’t mean you should be best buds with them. Most relationships begin with friendships. Chances are you’re not ready for marriage and your parents won’t let you get married. Moreover, you’re still in school and your crush is not the sort of fellow you want to spend the rest of your life with, so just avoid being friends with him in the first place. It really is the best formula for saving yourself from needless temptation.
When you have to talk to boys in school, it’s best to maintain a distance. That means that you don’t confide in them and you don’t unnecessarily engage in needless conversations. Don’t joke around and never flirt. Yeah it may be a little hard, but we’re talking about your hereafter here. There are plenty of great girls all around who can be your friends and if you really think only a man will understand your problem, then talk to your brother, your father, or an uncle.
That means that nothing a boy says will hit your nerves, make you blush, or get a reaction out of you. It also means that you are uninterested in what they do as well. Imagine yourself being in an airplane looking down at the scenery below. You’re not much interested in what’s going down there, because though it looks really nice, you’ll have to jump off the plane to really check it out. Likewise, the guy may look really nice, but to get him, you have to jump off the plane, i.e., commit spiritual suicide. Though the fall may be fun, you will eventually hit the ground and go “splat” on the Day of Judgment, or even sooner may be. It’s not worth the sin.
Remember that Allah is watching you always! Isn’t it being ungrateful to Allah’s favors? How dumb is it to take the eyes that Allah gave you and do things with them that He told you not to (like ogle at boys)? How much stupider is it that He can see you doing this, and you know it!
- Ambreen Juvale
"Permission is granted to circulate among private individuals and groups, to post on Internet sites and to publish in full text and subject title in not-for-profit publications"